Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
