No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
