Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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