Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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