now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
