Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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