Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
