I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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