Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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