Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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