yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
