he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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