im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
be right there i have to get my cape
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
