wat bout pragnant strippers??
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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