spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
