well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
