you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
