Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
