This girl is more easily done than said...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
