We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
