i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize