We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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