Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
