She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize