I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
