I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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