cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
