just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
