You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
