No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
