I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
