Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
