I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
