I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
