I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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