walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize