she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
