put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
