i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't put those talents on a resume
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize