he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
