My Higher Power is John Stamos
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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