oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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