I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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