We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize