My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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