Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
