yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
