like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I haven't been this sober since birth.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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