i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
