I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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