Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
