Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
