Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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