If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
