I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
