where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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