Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
