Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
