I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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