I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
