That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
