you guys were way drunker than both of me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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