at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize