I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
