my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
