Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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