life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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