she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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