SEEEEXXX PLEASE
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
