Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
