yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
