Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
