dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize