im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
