Umm I'm too high to move.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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