I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
