i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I need mimosas to revive my soul
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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