made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
