I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
