just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
