Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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