I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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