Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
