you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
