a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
