I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
