you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
