Redeem this text for a blowjob
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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