I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
