dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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