We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
