I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
