I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
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