I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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