I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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