You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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