I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm bleeding and have questions
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
