eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
