Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
