so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
