There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just high enough for therapy.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
