I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
