I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
